How not to be toxic

This group is intended to help overcome super-charged emotions in people that really do want to change. They’re not fighters by nature, they’re peace-makers. Are you a peacemaker by nature? I haven’t always been. When my emotions are super-charged, I’m anything but peaceful. Being toxic (or poison) is the basis of all super-charged emotions. If you’re toxic, you tend to act out, vs. respecting the other person and yourself.

How not to be toxic? It’s not easy for toxic people, lol. Toxic people are demanding and selfish by nature. They’re not the type of person to take blame, anything but your fault. They have problems or issues with taking blame, and are generally unpleasant people. Even if they’re right with what they feel, they go about things in all the wrong ways and are thinking only of their own justification.

I’m attempting to draw each of you out, so you can rid yourself of poison. If either party is toxic, worse both, then its not good for either one.

A friend mentioned we were like poison to each other right now. When I read what he wrote, it hurt, because I didn’t feel at all that was true, but I accepted what he said as the way he felt. It’s been a hard road back to friendship and my own recovery. I’m examining how not to be toxic because I’m pulling out all the stops, doing all the research and using every resource available to make sure I never drink another drip of liquor, in any form.

After looking at the list, neither one of us are toxic, but the opposite of toxic.

In our relationship, based on friends first, it happened that the ending was all my fault. What happened with our friendship was harsh and absolutely every bit my fault. I became upset because of no commitment and it became toxic then.  He’s totally removed me from his life, for the most part and as it should be.

Are you toxic? Do you know someone who is, but don’t know how to explain to them, how their behavior effects you?

We never really want to hurt people, but some people are inherently selfish. You have to lose those friendship’s, even if it’s someone close, you can be friendly but not friends.

Personally, I am not inherently selfish, just the opposite; however, because I’m not perfect, of course I’ve been toxic at times. What I would like each of you to do is to evaluate  yourself to see if you’re being toxic in your relationships.

Toxic people are:

  1. Jealous
  2. Berating
  3. Controlling
  4. Don’t accept the real you

I don’t care if its a parent, child or lover, if they’re acting this way its not good to be close to them, not always anyway. Everyone wants to be accepted for exactly who they are, myself included.

If you’re the opposite of toxic:

  1. You’re not jealous – you don’t have to worry about trusting someone, because some people really will break your trust and heart. Forgive them quickly. You will work through an issue if it arises, or separate nicely.
  2. You always build the person up never tear them down – you don’t have to constantly tell them every good thing about their self, but rather you support their every decision. No matter what the decision is, you support them. Okay, let’s take it to another level and offer an intense scenario, i.e. Your partner decides he wants to leave and can offer no reason. Of course, if you’re in love you would be upset, but let them go. Let them go without hating them. Let them go without making them feel worse than they already do. If they don’t feel bad, then you’re going to hurt for a long while, so its important you evaluate who you trust in your life so they won’t leave you hurting too long, rather they would also handle their leaving with love.
  3. Controlling is hard to define, but it feels like the person would rather make your decisions for you and gets upset if you chose what you want. Controlling is very intense wants or desires for self that they expect another person to do without question, always ending in a fight. It’s best to let people choose for theirself and again, support them. This is how I want treated anyway and the good book claims to treat others how you would want to be treated.
  4. You can’t tell them the truth for fear it will cause problems because they don’t truly accept the real you. Always a fight. Unless its a parent, they might need to be in the dark a bit, lol. No one needs to know everything about you, unless its your better half and then again some choose always to keep certain things to their self for good reason, its their reason and its their decision to make.

Someone who isn’t toxic is in reverse, someone who really ‘gets’ you. Someone who wants you to be you no matter what it means. Women and men have been chastised for taking back a cheating or lying partner, when in fact its a beautiful thing to be able to forgive even the worst transgression.

The opposite of toxic or the opposite of poison is being ‘good-medicine’.  They’re wholesome, forgiving, accept blame, accept others for who they are and are happy to be that way. They’re a safe and peaceful place for others to enjoy. This is in the perfect world, and no one is perfect, forgive freely and often without letting the sunset on anything that could be resolved. For kindness, if received is a healthy dose of good medicine, and friends are true friends forever. Family is forever too!

Don’t be toxic. If you fall anywhere on the toxic list, then stop!

I hope this helps.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s